It's 14 days until the baby is due (but I suspect it might wait until Easter) and I'm the most labile mom ever. At least it feels so. I try to control myself, but it's so difficult. And afterwards I feel ashamed of myself.
I don't want to pretend pregnancy is a dance on roses.
For me it isn't, at all. But I have good days and bad days, good moments and bad moments. One thing is for sure: I'm normally a very stable person, so my behaviour now isn't easy for any of us. I try to explain to Nora why I am this way now (those times when I can't control myself and over react or say something I immediately regret), I apologize to my husband, and they're both understanding. But still, we all want this baby to arrive soon, and me to go back to my normal self.
Like this morning. Nora said she didn't want the slippers I made her, despite that she choose yarn, color and asked me to make butterflies. She said it calmly, it was just "a matter of fact", but I felt like crying. Or cutting the slippers in small pieces. Or telling her that I would never, ever knit anything for her. I didn't do any of that, luckily, but it took me three hours before I stopped feeling like someone had died (or worse). I over react. I understand what it comes from: 9 months of hyperemesis followed by pelvic girdle pain. And all those hormones, I guess.
Luckily I have some alone time today and can pull myself together. Magnus is at work and Nora is out in the nature with her friends, her backpack full of pancakes and fruits and carrot and hot chocolate. I will now watch a video on painting, have some leftovers for lunch, then work for a little while before picking her up and heading home again.
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